It's Mother's Day...the one day a year I can ask the hubs for a day off from adulting without any resentment or IOUs later. In past years the hubs has made a "choose your own adventure" sheet noting my favorite foods, places to go, or getaway spas that serve unlimited champs. Other years have included the standard gendered brunch with outings up the hill to spend with the family. This year when asked "What do you want to do for Mother's Day?" my reply was: "I want simple."
Our lives have not been simple lately...(I suppose what person's life really is simple?)...the two jobs is taking its toll and the long weeks of SBAC testing at school and no prep to watch the eldest has burnt both the hubs and me out. I was somewhat inspired for simplicity when the hubs told me he was going to be away for father's day (a fabulous bros only backpacking trip--which I will be delighted to indulge in a weekend of single parenting so he can get away).
When I told him "simple" I then gave him my top two requests: 1) I need to upload and post to the blog and 2) I want to work out. Simple enough to me because I haven't had any time to do either one. A busted foot which lead to 20 extra L-Beez and a phone with no storage has prompted me to devote time to myself and my little side project. The eldest of course helped prompt today's adventure with his Kinder card of gratitude about mama's cookin'.
As I reflect and think about what to post on this holiday, I can only talk about one thing: Motherhood. My experience has changed me--my eldest will be six this summer and the youngest will be three. The years have flown by, which is dumb to say because everyone says it, but it's totally true. I live in the future most of the time and think about all of the cool things I will get to do when I am no longer an "at home" mother. I think about the traveling, the extra money, and the option to go to target at 7:30 at night (omg I got to do this a few weeks ago...it was epic...there are sooooo many people out at night! Who knew?!?). Like other mothers who lack balance in their worlds, I have found that in motherhood I have gotten lost...just like the cliched representations in films, books, and television. The extra weight and full storage are symbolic of that loss, which is ironically, a gain...hah! Pun.
I don't think mothers get lost on purpose, but rather it happens out of compulsion, much like my instant need to wash my hands after I shake another hoomin's hand in greeting. The skipped breakfasts because there was only time to make the kids lunches or eat, not do both--the piles of laundry that decorate the couch, floor, lay-z-boy, front office, and master closet--and the stacks of good intention projects that are either broken, dusty, or dead (poor new veggies that never got planted) are evidence of my journey down the rabbit hole to Motherhood. These habits and clutter serve as a reminder of the out of balance day to day existence that I allow myself and my family to live in and so desperately want to fix.
I do not feel my experiences in motherhood are unique. We all have our dirty houses and unfinished projects, our dreams that are back-burnered, our inclination to take a nap instead of doing something fun with our friends. Our task or rather, challenge, is to be able to stop and recognize when the world is spinning faster than we can run...or broken footedly, walk. Our challenge is to say, "we need a weekend with no plans," or "let's just take the night off and leave the sink dirty."
Our challenge is listen to the voice that guides us but is so often drowned out by picture frames being broken from rogue footballs, piano lessons in the wrong key, or the 18-year old cat crying for a hoomin to turn the shower on so she can have fresh water....yep....I always oblige...and she has me trained pretty well....unfortunately.
My hope is that as I continue down the rabbit hole, I will be able to recognize the needs faster and will come back from crazy a little sooner. I also hope that I will instill the habits and knowledge in my children to recognize when they too need to slow down on their journey.
On a positive note I am thankful for my hesitation in planning something cool and awesome for today. Not because I can get out of adulting or be spoiled or jokingly in the car on the way home tell the boys "I really just want all four of us to spend an hour in Michaels this morning," but because I did choose to stop. I chose to stop and slow my family's drive to Wonderland down, just enough to smell the roses, take a bite of a delicious cookie, and befriend the most lovely of cats.
So as I close, I want to say "Happy Mother's Day" to all the mums out there. Thank you to my mom and all the mums that have influenced me through this crazy Wonderland. I wish you joy and love and kindness and gratitude and laughter and simplicity and good cake....always always always good cake.