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Mother May I

Out of all of the things I do in life I have realized that I was born to be a mother--not in the gender stereotypical have babies in a barefoot and pregnant way, but in a nurturing mother earth hippie way. I think to help elucidate this mother earth archetype I need to quantify the numbers in an Engineering Hubs way.

Dogs-1

Cats-4, but really 2, sort of because one is 18 and on her way out and the other has disowned us since we got the new kittens. But if we’re going on numbers and being all “mathy” then I supposed 4 would be correct since that is the number of cat mouths we currently feed.

Fish--5

Chickens-8, although 2 are going to make their way to chicken heaven in about 6 weeks per the hunters in the family (hubs and son #3)

Children-3

Husband-1

Young minds I am responsible for--90ish...ugh math. 91.

Okay the total amount of life I am day to day responsible for is…..22+91= okay 2+1 is 3….2 plus 9 is 11….so 113? Wait...let me get the calculator….holy bananas! I am right---boo yah math folks! OOOOh and so fun, 113 is the freeway I like to take when we go to Davis for Picnic Day--look at that!

So back to mother nature….Okay so on a day to day basis I am responsible for over 100 lives...eesh, that’s more than I thought of, which explains the amount of feelings I have to feel and hate to feel daily. Yes, quantifying the little ones does bring things into focus a bit more.

When I was younger I can remember repeatedly hearing how non-maternal I was and how I would be lawyering it up in a courtroom or traveling the world instead of "settling down." I of course listened and tried to embody the mold so many people were trying to force me into.

It wasn’t until I had my first child that I realized I was actually meant to be a mother my entire life and that in fact I had been a mother since I was young, only manifesting itself in subtle ways. Now my mother-ness is in overdrive and may be a little too on the “collecting” or “hoarding” side. I want to mother hen more than I can take under my wing and keep warm at night, which makes navigating teaching and life in general rather tricky. And am I the old lady living in a shoe, minus the whole shoe and beating her kids part? Or have I been placed strategically in a community that needs to see mothering and ultimately a love they are searching for. Ugh...cliche and squishy….time to detour since feeling this deeply makes me uncomfortable.

One way I manifest love and mothering is through food as evidenced in the myriad recipes and quick 10 minutes cookies I throw together when students or friends come over. I hope that through my food and even the day to day interaction with children, that i am feeding them something meaningful that will make them feel good--seen--visible--full. The mother I am and have been extends itself through food or words and hopefully feeds the little souls of those that surround me.

#motherhood #chickens #reflection #teaching